I got up from savasana this morning in a grumpy mood for seemingly no reason at all, but when I got home some little thing set me off and I had a good cry–the sobbing, tear-sodden cathartic sort. It’s as if asana practice sometimes dislodges all the garbage stuck in my head so it can all come out, whether I want it too or not. For someone like me who’s not super in touch with my emotions all the time, these experiences often catch me by surprise and shake me up a little, but god, they’re good. I don’t want that garbage sitting around in there forever!
So it turns out I’m feeling a little depressed and more than a little discouraged about working so hard to land a worthwhile job, yet remaining so far unemployed. It’s been over two months that I’ve been looking. Not a terribly long time in the grand scheme of things, but I just wasn’t prepared for how stressful this would be, and it really is starting to wear me out a bit. Growing up, all I ever heard was stuff like, “You can do anything you want if you just apply yourself.” The world is your oyster, and all that. I wish someone had sat me down when I was a kid and told me that if you want to live your life a little differently, people are going to make it really difficult for you; if you follow your heart, it’s going to be painful sometimes; and when you graduate from college, you’re probably going to have to spend months looking for a job and when you do finally get one you’re barely going to be able to pay for rent and groceries, and you’re going to end up on food stamps and have no health insurance anyway. Great. Fine. I can handle that, I just wish I was a little better prepared!
Enough of that rant. I actually have a second interview on Monday for a great job, so if all goes well, my unemployment worries are over. And my employment worries begin. But one thing at a time.