Yoga Vita

Musings on Yoga, Life, and the Yoga Life

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G#d@$mn F%#$&ng Yoga

The things that were going through my head during practice this morning would make my grandmother faint.  My mind was being so grumpy!  My inner being became a pouting, sneering five-year-old with a overly-colorful vocabulary.  It was rather humorous to observe, really, but I couldn’t stop it.  Well, I guess it would be more accurate to say I didn’t try to stop it.  I’d be doing, say Setu Bandhasana, thinking, “Goddamn f@#king Setu Bandhasana,” all the way though, yet it would be a lovely posture.  I was enjoying myself during practice despite the pouty-grumpy mind.

So strange.  Strange things are happening with my practice in general.  Since my little pit-orchestra day, it’s like I’ve pulled out some kind of stopper, ripped off the duct tape, opened the floodgates of effing strange.  I’ve been having really long, vivid dreams.  I blame second series.  All this backbending craziness.  I’m trying to take it really easy in my progress through the series to keep the mental weirdness at a level I can manage.  Goddamn yoga.


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On Dreams, Backbends, and Yoga Mudra

Just the other night, in a dream, I did something I have never done before- – I stood up from a backbend without assistance. It was amazing. In practice the next morning, however, dreams did not become reality. I still need those two inches of plastic under my hands to get the right leverage to hoist myself up.

BUT in that same practice, I finally, miraculously grabbed both of my toes in yoga mudra, after several weeks of being totally blase about that particular posture. I had pretty much resigned myself to just being “a person with tight hips” who couldn’t do things like that. And then poof! without really trying, I bound in yoga mudra. Huh. The body works in funny ways.


But back to backbending. I just had my S.O. take a few pictures of me in a normal, non-warmed-up backbend, and it was a strange sight for me to actually see myself in a backbend- – I looked so. . . bendy. I looked like someone who should be standing up from backbends! But I guess I don’t get to decide when things happen, I just keep practicing. The whole type A thing just doesn’t work out in yoga.

– – –

Correction:  Z reminded me that a few months ago I did stand up from a backbend on my own.  Once.  What happened?  I think I just didn’t have any expectations.  But now I kind of do, and they’re getting in my way.  Well, that’s something to mull over a bit. 


Do active dreams make you tired?

This happens to me rather often: my head hits the pillow, and two minutes later my brain takes off on all these crazy adventures in La-La Land that seem to go on forever, and when the alarm rings, it’s like I’ve just come home from running a marathon and all I want to do is sleep another eight hours. I wake up exhausted and confused. My brain is fried from all the weird logic and strategizing of my dreams, and I can barely cope with being in the real world again. I need re-entry time. The last thing I want to do is get out of bed.

Today, the last thing I remember before waking up is that I had chartered a huge Thai longboat and boatman to take me across a wide river on a gray, stormy day. The boatman had to dodge other boat traffic, and sometimes we would simply slide over the kayak-like hulls of other boats traveling perpendicular to us in order to keep moving ahead. The weather was getting progressively worse and the water rougher- – I remember the feeling of being buffeted by unexpected waves, some of which sent us flying. We were nearly to the other bank of the river and I woke up. Wow- – thank god I’m in a bed, I thought, because I need a nap!


It was 6:15 and time to jump out of bed to go to the shala, but I just couldn’t do it. It seemed wrong in my sleepy dream-logic mind. I didn’t end up getting out of bed until 8:00, major grasse matinée for an ashtangi. Lucky for me, I was able to have a good, solid one-hour practice at home this morning anyway. But these dreams. . .

So can dreams actually physically wear you out? Why do they mess with my mind so much? Am I crazy? Am I thinking too much during the day?

Heh- – I might make an interesting sleep study subject.

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To sleep, perchance to dream. . .

I absolutely could not drag myself out of bed this morning. My body felt. . . well, kind of dead, like when you have a bad flu. Just heavy, heavy all over. So I slept in for another hour and a half, really needing the extra rest, but then I just had awful, stressful dreams the whole time. Not very restful at all. Sigh. And I had to skip yoga entirely to make it to work.

No yoga, shitty dreams, my body aches. . . and my schedule is pretty much full until bedtime tonight. Maybe right before bed, I’ll do some meditation. Or restorative asana. Something.  I need time to clean all the garbage out of my head.